She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
