meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
