I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Randomize
