Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
