I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
