i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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