I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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