Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
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