Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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