friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
These tits shall not be calmed
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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