I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
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