I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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