I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
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