she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
