can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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