Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
