The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
