I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
