Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
