Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
