This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
