how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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