pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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