Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
