Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
