So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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