Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
