there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
