i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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