Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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