I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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