I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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