if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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