My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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