it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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