Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
