I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
