I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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