I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Randomize
