It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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