Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
