He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
