my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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