Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
