I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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