I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
