that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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