I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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