New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
