is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
