my phone needs a breathalizer
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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