Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
