Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
