I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm sobbing to NWA
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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