Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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