How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
