i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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