Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
