i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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