i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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