im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
