I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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