Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
