I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Watching her eat just hurts me
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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