i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She bit a glass in half.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
