Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
