you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
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