i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
